Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
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