Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
