Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I have tasted many bathrooms
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
