What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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