Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
I AM VODKA MAN
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
