she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
