i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
