dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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