you guys were way drunker than both of me
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
