Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
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