North Korea, Best Korea!
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize
