So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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