i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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