i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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