Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
