the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
