I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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