Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
