Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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