Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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