3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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