id be glad to
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
