Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Randomize
