I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
