She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
The power of my boobs compel you
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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