Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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