It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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