i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Dicks are not precious.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
