Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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