I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
