i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
you had me at cake vodka
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
