Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
