I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
