I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
