they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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