It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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