A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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