maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Semen is not good for contacts.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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