Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize
