how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
