I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
Who wears a wallet chain?!
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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