I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
