The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
