my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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