From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
