You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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