I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Randomize
