he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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