i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
