I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
