dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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