Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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