is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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