I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Randomize
