woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
