peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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