Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
