half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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