you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
