I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
