I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
