God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Randomize