Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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