i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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