I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
