pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
