You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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