she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Randomize
