I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
foreskin is a definite game changer
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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