You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
Randomize
