fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
