Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
The best revenge is premature balding
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
