You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
